By Njodzeka Danhatu
Having sex on a first date is something that might sound bizarre to some people especially those who regard it as a secret something between spouses.
There is a lot of dating these days but some hardly end well because one partner is either not ready to comply with the demands of the other. However, many ladies out there often think that having sex with a guy on a first date will make them cheap.
This has been a hot debate over the years, especially among the millennials. Different viewpoints and customs regard it differently. “My body my choice” has become the daily argument. The question is, can people do whatever thing they want with their lives especially when it comes to sex? A friend told me recently that a woman does not have sex without emotions attached. I know that some may find it a taboo subject to discuss.
Dating in Buea, Southwest Cameroon has become one of the most complicated things. Some ladies have taken it as an avenue to raise cash, purchase their fantasy dresses and eat meals they have fancied while in their parents’ home. In Buea, you need to be wealthy to date even a broke girl. In one of Buea’s popular neighbourhoods, Molyko, I interviewed some girls who said it is difficult to have a one-night stand there with a girl without strings attached. Some don’t know how to separate sex from love.
Does having sex on the first date make her cheap? I came across this question on Twitter the other day. Those who like to claim holiness will shy away from discussing but I find it as a topic worth dialoguing. I was surprised at the attention that was given to the question and even the responses too.
The question made me recall those days when girls used to feel that accepting a guy for a relationship on the first day would make them cheap. Some of them will be like “I can’t just accept you just like that” or “I don’t even know you” They will say “it is too early to have sex with you”
However, despite the viewpoints of some that sex on a first date is too early, Binin Bill, responded to the tweet by asking whether “having sex a month after makes her expensive?”
This attitude of playing hard-to-get because they don’t wanna appear cheap has made many girls lose lifetime husbands. What I find wrong in this is that the people whom these set of girls consider as strangers are still the very people they are ready to ask for shawarma and money on the very first date.
Many of these girls will be like, “I can’t have sex with you” but they are ready to accept help from you. I am not saying that sex is a prerequisite for helping someone. During my economic lessons in secondary school, I learned that there is no free lunch.
The other day somebody wrote on Facebook that in the West, sex is possible on the first date but in Cameroon, you will buy her things for years and the matter might end up in a police station for a rape case.
Well, some ladies will say “that is America and here is Cameroon”. I find it as a problem of mindset and lack of financial education. No wonder why some end up getting pregnant without actually knowing the father or considering the child as an accident. The book of God says sex is something secret, reserved only for married couples.
To face the reality in our today’s society, those who even preach and claim to be holy are the very ones doing it in hiding against their teachings and also very common adultery.
- Come Visit Me At Home: Why Buea Ladies Fear This Statement
- What Men in Buea Think About Women Without Bras
Back to the question, “does having sex on a first date makes her cheap?” My sincere answer is no. Care you called me a spoiled brat.
A Twitter guy called, Marbz believed that “first day, last day… a guy will see you as what he wants to see you as…. cheap or expensive”. A friend told me one day that a guy can run after a girl for two years and once he gets what he wants, he will still dump her.
However, Marbz argued that “any girl who does it on the first day and thinks she is cheap is stupid.” Such a girl who happens to sleep with him on a first date according to Apeh Moses who responded to the tweet, deserves his love and respect.
Meanwhile, some argued that if a girl is having sex with a guy on a first date it is because she feels for him. That is because the guy in question might not be the first person she is meeting on the first date.
From all the responses that I gathered from that tweet, I find one interesting. A certain guy who identified himself as Average Joe believes that a guy may fall in love with you at first sight or during the date and that night will be a magical first of many even for a lifetime. I have seen cases like that. I have listened to couples talk and detail their lives and how they found each other. It was just out of something casual and even getting to sex without proper feelings then. I am not saying that this is the best way to have a lifetime partner.
Guys have been talking, but what do women think about the question since it concerns them. Ama Happy is one of the ladies that attempted an answer. According to Ama, if a girl “agrees to be with you, so having sex with you on the first day doesn’t mean she is cheap”. To her “if you are a man and you think that about any girl that you have sex with on the first date is cheap, you the man is cheap instead”
The only thing many have forgotten is that they think of the lady and don’t think about a man too. There are some rare cases here in Buea to be precise, where men are also victims of the first date, but hardly do we hear people talk about it.
“Who said it makes her cheap?” Black Beast another Twitter fan questioned, “about the guy who had sex with you that night? Why should ladies be ashamed of that? I love my first date”.
Emanuel Anane explains that for him, he thinks such girls are ashamed because they feel that it is distasteful and shouldn’t be discussed. “It is your body and you should enjoy it.” He said “if a lady accepts to have sex with you on the first date, then you should be lucky because it is not possible”
why is it not possible?
Some Buea girls will say dating is not all about sex. They are right but is the relationship mean for one person or persons to spend on them?
This thing is mutually beneficial.
In Cameroon of today, many have turned this dating thing for commercial purposes. But hardly do you hear them openly discuss topics like sex education. Some of our young ones have gotten pregnant or contracted diseases because they blindly went into the thing.
The concept of dating in Cameroon to the best of my opinion is still far from becoming reality. We live in a country where people see relationships as goldmines where they can receive salaries and make a living.
While they expect these benefits, they turn to see sex as something which should not be accompanied, they may be right but the problem is when you enter into a relationship where you have nothing to offer rather than your body.
This article is not for people who take things seriously.